Like a Rock
by Yr Alban
Summary: Then, something like this happens, and your entire world is thrown upside down, all around, shaken-up violently like some cocktail, and you can barely catch your breath, barely begin to wonder what the hell just happened.
1. 00: Sacrifice

**Disclaimer: I do not own TMI.**

_Hope you enjoy. (: Warning for language, sorry if it offends._

**00: Sacrifice.**

xXx

**You were my source of strength,  
I traded everything I love  
For this one thing.**

xXx

These things just don't happen.

Not in real life.

You read about them, you hear about them, but you always know that no matter what you read or hear or see, it's not true. Can't be. Impossible.

Then, something like _this_ happens, and your entire world is thrown upside down, all around, shaken-up violently like some cocktail and you can barely catch your breath, can barely began to wonder what the hell just happened.

Everyone else is confused, too, and no one speaks.

Because no one believes it. They've only read about it or heard it on the news, and they think this isn't happening, this isn't real.

Because you're human, despite what these swirling Marks that decorate your skin say, and you're mortal, despite what you personally believe.

And because of all this, you refuse to believe anything that can take your precious world, that was resting precariously, but peacefully and smoothly, on the edge and shove it off. Send it tumbling into darkness, unable to be found or be put back together.

So, you do what you've done since your father returned with your sister's body in his arms, shaking and trying so hard not to cry that it broke your heart that night.

You freeze over, refuse to let anyone in, become emotionless, untouchable. Because that's how you survive. You don't know any other way.

You never needed to.

They accept it, don't try to rip emotions out of you, or reach out to touch you, because they know they can't. They know if they do, you'll just slip away until you're completely out of reach.

Until you're just a ghost of what you used to be.

xXx

**Falling in the black,  
Slipping through the cracks,  
Can I ever go back?**

xXx

_How'd you like it? More to come soon.. (:_

_Sucks summer is almost over.. Back to school in a week or so.._

_Well, review! Until next time,_

_xWhiteRainx_


	2. 01: It Begins

**Disclaimer: See the prolouge. Language may offend. Violence in later part of chapter.**

_Hope you enjoy. (:_

**01: It Begins.**

xXx

**Say goodbye as we dance with the devil tonight,  
Don't you dare look him in the eye as we dance with the devil tonight.**

xXx

_Most of us were asleep when they came._

_None of us expected it. _

_But, then again, when do we ever expect things like this?_

xXx

I sat with my mother, silent as she held my older brother's limp hand tightly. He was too asleep to notice our prescense or hear our low conversation, and I was thankful. Only my mother knew my weaknesses, and that would remain so.

"Dani," she breathed, pushing a defiant inky black curl out of my eyes. I glowered and shook my hair back into my face, playing the part of the arrogant and annoying daughter. She sighed, though the her soft smile remained.

Some people say that I look like her, and I haughtily agree, replying I'm her younger, more beautiful replica. But, on the inside, I disagreed completely. My mother is beautiful and young and so happy and cheerful.

Or, she once was. I refused to see her the way she is now. Old and tired, a woman who lost nearly everything she has but still clinging firmly to what she has left. It amazed me when she didn't kill herself after my father died.

It amazed everyone, I thought.

"Mom," I murmured back, reverting my eyes to my brother's sleeping form. He was young, maybe a few years older than myself, barely an adult. "Do you ever-"

My words were cut off by a loud bang, like a gunshot. My heart jumpstarted, beating so hard and fast I thought my brother would wake up. She sent me a look as I moved towards the door, but I ignored it, tossing words over my shoulder that I couldn't remember.

The hall was almost empty. A few of those who were woken by the noise or who hadn't been asleep in the first place were poking their heads out of their doors, voices mingling into a dull murmur.

"What was that?" A girl to my left asked, her voice high with terror, but still low enough to be drowned out by the others. Her emerald eyes were on me, chocolate brown waves caught up into youthful pigtails. She was my age, but the terror and appearance made her seem years younger.

I shrugged unhelpfully, sliding out of the door, shutting it on my mother's compliants. A warm hand latched onto my wrist, clammy, and I breathed my relief. Plastering a cocky grin on my face, I turned to the young man.

His moss green eyes were wild with fear, and that most likely scared me the most. Not the fear and terror, that was nearly tangible, nor the footsteps I could hear below us. His eyes, the fear that swirled in their usually calm-and-controlled depths.

If Cameron Jeharp was scared, there was something you should be scared about.

I pushed down my own panic, scowling at him. "Afraid of the dark, Cam? Really?" I teased half-heartedly, walking swiftly down the hall. Eyes latched onto me, follow my path and my unwillful companion who I dragged along with me.

"Danielle, now is not the time to joke around," he hissed, his unruly red hair sticking up in all places. I shrugged, peeking around the corner of a hall carefully. Nothing was there, but the shadow of light was casted upon a wall opposite the stairs.

My breath caught. I tried to get to the stairs, but was yanked forcefully back, slamming into Cameron's chest with an `omph´. I glared at him, pushing myself away. "What the hell?" I growled when he did not release me, winding his arm around my waist to secure my position.

He gave me a look, as if it were obvious. "You're a seventeen-year-old girl without a weapon. You could get slaughtered." He reminded me, ignoring my offended expression.

I scoffed, shaking my head in outrage. "I think you're forgetting something, Cameron," I hissed, slipping my wrist out of his damp grip. "I'm the best teenager here. I'm a year away from being an adult. And, I'm pretty damn fiesty even without a weapon." I raised my brows. "Can I go now, _please_?"

With a sound of extreme annoyance, Cameron shrugged, turning his back to me. I rolled my eyes at his theatrics, though could not stop the twinge of pain at the sight of his retreating back. He never walked away when he thought it was dangerous.

He always staid by my side.

Naturally, him walking away from me hurt.

But, not wanting to appear weak in the face of danger, I literally shrugged it off, padding to the top of the stairs, as fluid as water, as quiet as a cat. The light wavered on the opposite wall, a tinted orange. I swallowed the butterflies, slowly creeping down the stairs.

A smell assualted my nose, bile coating my throat, my face contorted in disgust. Noises, low grunts, travelled up the staircase to me.

A thrill of adrenaline rushed through me, mingling with fear and astonishment and a dreaded knowledge.

The Institute had been broken into.

That wouldn't have worried me if it had been a couple idiots with a gun or a knife. Easy, one of the guys or girls, or a parent, could handle them. I could handle them by myself, if I had the right weapon.

But, this wasn't your regular crooks.

Demons. Foresaken.

The Institute was on fire.

We were trapped, and the only way out was to fight.

Heart thrumming in my throat, I raced back up the stairs, my barefeet suctioning to the hardwood as I leaped off the carpetted staircase. Something snagged me, and it took all I had not to scream.

A boy, who wasn't really a boy, he was nineteen, held me securely around the waist. I struggled momentairly, kneeing him in the groin. He groaned quietly, only tightening his grasp on my body. "Jesus Christ Dani," he breathed, his voice like a hiss.

I relaxed briefly, recognizing the voice and not feeling as threatened as I would if I were being held by a Foresaken. "Jesus Christ Josh," I mimicked, rolling my eyes, pulling back the seriousness of what I had found out. "Get the others. All of us, even if they're sleepin'. I don't give a flying rat's ass. Get them out _now_."

His eyes flickered across my face, hopefully seeing the urgency I felt burning my blood. With a nod, he took off down the hall, telling everyone to follow him. Conspicously, I crept through the crowd, my face scrunched up in puzzlement along with my peers. As long as no one found out what I had seen, at this moment, we'd be fine.

But, they would figure out soon enough. They had to.

Or we'd all be dead in a matter of hours.

xXx

I leaned against the wall, watching as the adults attempted to quiet the room. Anticipation tinged the air, colouring it and giving it weight and taste. Even though everyone was speaking, no one was hearing a word. Their voices were a soft murmur, inaudible if you didn't pay attention.

Finally, the room quieted. One of the men nodded at me, and I stepped away from the cool wall, face stiff and serious when all eyes turned to me curiously. I couldn't really blame them. Most of these people were my age or older, what would I, a seventeen year old girl who was still training, know that they didn't?

I smirked at their disbelieving looks. A lot more than they did.

"Now," I began, and the room was quiet once more. "I know what most of you are thinking. What the fuck are we doing here, right? Sorry, mom," I glanced to my mother, who had flinched when I swore. "I think now would be a good time to inform you all that the Institute, or home, has been broken into."

Uproar. Chaos. No one looked at each other, no one spoke, but every single body was tense. A few men were counting the weapons in the room, most likely to hand them all out.

I nodded at their tension. "Yes, exactly. By demons and Foresaken. I figure that a Shadowhunter got them in here, because of the Wards. Also," I went on. "I have neglected to inform you..The Institute is on fire. We've be broken into by demons, and there's a rogue amongst us, I assume." I grinned cheekily, tilting my head. "Great day, huh?"

Someone in the crowd snorted, voices mingling into a dull roar. My mother was weaving her way through to my side quickly, my brother right behind her, literally. I stood silently until they were with me.

Both of their eyes were wide with shock, and for a moment I thought my mother would pass out, but she didn't. My brother gripped my shoulder, nails digging into my back. "Dani. Are you positive?" He asked, voice low and dangerous.

I nodded rapidly. He swore, shooting an apologetic look to our mother, and shook his head. "That's...Not right," he hissed, reaching over my head and plucking a sensor off the wall. "We can't get out."

Narrowing my eyes in confusion, I shook my head as well. "What the hell? Yeah, we can get out! Fight! We're Shadowhunters, not a bunch of pussies. We're born to do this." I growled, crossing my arms over my chest defiantly.

My brother gave me a look. "Are you suggesting we fight our way out, Danielle?" He asked sharply.

"Yes, I am."

He laughed bitterly, leaving our silent mother. I sighed, patting my mother's shoulder before taking off after him. He was disappearing into a crowd around the seraph blades and swords, not even noticing my presence. "Rich," I called. "It's the only way!"

At my words, he spun around to face me, his face contorted in a snarl. "No. We can run, there's windows, we can do something." He stepped forward, making me stumble back. "If we fight, Dani, we all die."

I shook my head, refusing to believe that. "No. If we fight, Richard, we live. If we stand around here like a bunch of pansies we'll die. We run, they follow. This has to end, here and now." I snapped. Some of our peers and housemates were looking over, but I paid them no mind, my attention glued on my brother. "Run like a wimp or fight like a man. Either way, Rich, I'm fighting. I'm not going to lay down and die that easy."

He sighed, and his stance became less aggresive. Before me, he was the best teenager/child, but then he turned eighteen. If anyone, he would understand my desire to fight.

"Fine. But only because you remind me of dad," he agreed, stroking back my hair. I glared angrily at the touch, but he ignored me. Looking around the room, to the faces and expressions that ranged from anger to fear to shock to sturdy determination, he shook his head. "Tonight, we fight!" He shouted, and a few shouted their agreements.

Everyone else looked like we condemned them to their deaths.

It wasn't far from the truth.

xXx

The thrill of the fight thrummed in my veins, warming my cold body. I dodged a blow, staying as light as I could, not letting my attention wander. The demon snarled angrily, and I laughed merrily, high off of the adrenaline. "Can't get me, can't get me, can't-" it's claw slashed my bare forearm, not deep, but enough to sting bitterly and draw blood. "Fuck."

I twirled the blessed sword nimbly, my fingers practised and swift, and swung. The silver cut cleanly across it's leg, leaving it hobbling. Twisting my wrist and tightening my grip on the hilt, I plunged the sword into it's heart, then dragging down gruesomely, leaving a gaping wound. "That," I spat, spitting blood onto it. "Was for my arm."

Turning away, I did a head count of those who were still with us. It had been an hour since we decided to fight, at that time we'd been a strong thirty Shadowhunters able to fight, and twenty sixteen-and-seventeen-year-olds who were determined to.

Now, there was ten of us `children´ and twenty five of the adults still fighting. Fifteen had not been much when sixty of us stood in the weapons room, but with only fifty and ten being children, our future, it was more.

"Dani, watch it," a voice hollered, as voices had been doing so for the past hour. I spun on my heel, squatting gracefully as a Kuri demon charged me. It's fangs snapped dangerously close to my hair, it's stick legs skittering on the marble floor. I tensed, until it was behind me, then rolled out of it's way, pulling my body and sword up.

It's fangs clicked menacingly, as if it were trying to speak. I snarled, raising the silver sword upwards and brought it down on it's head, the sharp edge snagging in it's thick hide. I swore, pulling viciously at it, the sword smoothly slicing down through and spliting it into two.

With a squeak, it vanished. I sighed, feeling tired and old, pushing back another sweaty lank of hair out of my face. My body ached, various points of me screaming with pain. Fresh wounds. The older injuries hurt viciously, still bleeding, but were more numb than the newer.

"Oh my God!" A voice screamed, a feminine voice. "_No_!"

It wouldn't have fazed me. It shouldn't have. A mother or a wife or a fiancee or a sister or something seeing their loved one die, or themselves dying. But it did make me stutter in my inflexible ways, making my heart lurch into my throat and my head whip up.

It wouldn't have fazed me if it hadn't been my mother's voice.

xXx

_I wonder if, had we been awake and alert and prepared, if we would've lost as many as we did._

_Because, when you're looking at fifty, you never imagine you'll walk out with ten._

xXx

**It only hurts just once.  
They're only broken bones.**

xXx

_Hope you enjoyed. More to come soon. (:  
Thank you for reading, and review!  
Till next time,_

_xWhiteRainx_


	3. 02: Say Goodbye

_Disclaimer: See prolouge. Language may offend._

_Hope you enjoy. (:_

**02: Say Goodbye.**

xXx

**I've got the perfect plan  
To save us while we can.**

xXx

_When the ones you love are dead, you can hardly find the strength to go on._

_You can hardly find the strength to breathe._

_Was it always this hard?_

xXx

I blinked, not believing what was right in front of me. My body was tense, every muscle ready to spring up and run, run and never look back, and I crouched down by my mother.

She rocked back and forth, clutching my brother's head to her chest, his body shaking. His eyes brightened when he saw me, and he smiled a grotesque smile. I resisted the urge to throw up, and I caught my breath in a quiet sob.

No one had seen me cry, not even my mother, not even when I was a child. But, now, the careful restraint I had was wavering. Just like it had with my sister. The only difference was I hadn't broke then, and now.. I was so close.

"Dani," he gurgled, blood spilling from his mouth. I clapped a hand over my mouth, throat clenching with the promise of tears. He grinned at that, again, and reached weakly for my hand. I took his, holding on to him probably too tightly, but I didn't care.

My sweaty and bloody hand gripped his, fingers intertwined. His hand was cooling drastically, his tremors going away. I tried to ignore, knowing what it meant. I had seen too many people die to not know. "Rich," I breathed, my voice cracking pathetically.

He chuckled, a croaked sound. I flinched. "Don't, Richard." I ordered.

Richard shook his head weakly at me, a proud expression on his face. "You're just like dad, Danielle. Not like me. Dad wasn't afraid of anything, he was so damn proud of himself. He was the best Shadowhunter in the Province. He was so ready to die. You were too young to remember, but everytime he left, you cried more. Everytime he left, he came back battered and bruised, and told us that he'd die to protect us all. When Sasha died, he nearly did die, too. But he didn't. Do you know why?" He asked softly.

I shook my head no, but I doubted he noticed. He went on softly and quietly, and I was amazed he was still alive. Every inch of his body was soaked with blood.

"Dad didn't die or kill himself because of _you_. Not me, not mom. You, Danielle. I was twelve when he died, I could take care of myself and mom and you. But he lived because of you. He knew you would need him, or at least at one point would, and you haven't yet. You were so strong, even when you were seven. Tonight you said you were fighting no matter what you did, you were so ready to die," he sighed.

A sob bubbled to my throat, and I couldn't hold it back. Tears welled in my eyes, and I couldn't stop them. "No," I croaked. "No, I'm not ready to die. I don't want to die, and I don't want you to die."

Rich sighed, again, not hearing me, apparrently. "And I wanted to run. To hide." He smiled crookedly, more blood slipping out of his mouth. "You wanted to fight, you were prepared to die for your freedom, and I wanted to run. You're alive and I'm dying. Irony."

I glared. "Don't speak like that, Rich. You should be alive right now, not me." It was true. He was older, better than me. He didn't have more experience than me, probably less, but he had time to study, while I fought.

He thought strategically, thought things through first before he went into a situation. He was all statistics and odds.

Meanwhile, I thought physically. I thought while I fought, as swift on my feet as our father had been. Where he was statistics and figures, I was weapons and survival instincts.

By any means, he should be alive.

"Love you, little sister," he muttered.

I couldn't say it.

I couldn't say I loved him, too. I didn't want to say it because I didn't want this to be it, I didn't want my big brother to die, I didn't want this to be goodbye.

So I sat stonily, as stony and icy as I had been since my sister died, while his tremors stopped and the light in his eyes went out. I sat without another word while my brother died.

My mother screamed, shaking him, begging, though it made no sense to me. I could feel something behind us, and by the time I was on my feet, I was long gone. I gave myself up to my instincts, fighting to survive.

The demon hissed as I tore out my dagger, my actions so swift I barely felt myself move. With my usual amazing accuracy, I threw the dagger, but not before my mother slipped her own knife into her chest.

It died, and so did she.

And, I think, so did I.

A part of me died when my mother killed herself, a part that I hadn't none I still had.

Hope.

Hope that this would work out, hope that I wouldn't be an orphan, hope that I wouldn't be alone.

xXx

It was over.

I scanned the destroyed room, trying not to linger on my mother and brother, eyes skipping across the strewn bodies. We lost a lot of strong Shadowhunters, in the matter of two hours. Came in with fifty... Came out with fifteen.

Trying not to do the math, even if I couldn't stop myself, I sighed, putting my head into my hands. Fifteen of us left, besides the other ten that did not fight. It still would've been a lot, had we not had sixty yesterday, seventy the day before.

"Good job," Cameron muttered, placing something cool and damp on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, letting it fall to the blood-stained floor with a definite _splat_. "You did really good, Dani."

I glared at the ground, fingers curling into my sweaty hair. I hadn't done a good job. My family, the ones who I had been fighting to protect, were all gone. I was the last Seraphim.

"Save it, Cam." I growled, my anger not meant for him, using him viciously as an outlet. "I didn't and we all known it. My mother and brother are dead because I made them stay and fight."

He snorted, and ruffled my hair. I made a disgusted face, personally not doing that as my own hair revolted me, much less someone else's. "Richard and Alana knew what they were doing, Dani. If they didn't think-"

I cut him off by standing up, towering over his sitting form easily. He got to his feet, face now hovering several inches above my own. I glowered, but the body of my mother haunted me. I jabbed his chest angrily. "My mother commited _suicide_ because she thought I was going to die, too." I hissed.

His eyes widened, his lack of knowledge apparent. I nodded. "Yeah. So don't go saying if they didn't think it was a good idea, they wouldn't have done it. They were thinking that I was right, because I said we could do it, we could live. And guess what, Cameron?" I answered my own question quickly, giving him no time to. "I was fucking wrong."

Cameron wrapped his arms around me, clutching me to his chest. I breathed in the smell of his shirt, as if I depended on it to live, letting him hold tightly.

Right now, I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to see or think or hear. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget that today ever happened. "I'm sorry, Dani, so sorry," he breathed, repeating this in my ear.

I didn't respond, just fisted my hands in the soft cotton t-shirt. He knew I heard, and I knew he didn't have to be sorry. I'd never thank him, always have the blame on my shoulders.

"What do we do now?" He muttered into my hair. I shrugged, not wanting to thinking about the here or the now. I wanted to think about the future, that spread out before me bleakly, only more death along the way, but that was fine.

Death I could handle.

Richard had been right, when I came down the stairs with my comrades, I had never been more prepared to die.

But, everything else I couldn't understand, couldn't cope with. Uncertainity, lack of knowledge, boredom, the feeling of being trapped, it made me scream and struggle against invisible and non-existant holds. "I have no idea." I murmured.

"I do," a peppy voice said, though I could hear the fear and grief swelling beneath the forced happiness.

The girl, whose voice I knew like the back of my hand, was like me. Hiding the emotions that could be used against her, pushing out the ones that everyone expected her to have.

Everyone expected me to be in control, to be cocky and arrogant and proud, because that was who I was.

Everyone expected her to be happy and calm, to be peaceful and her emotions always in check. Because that was what everyone else saw all the time.

I looked over to her, Ariel Goldhart, brows furrowed. "What do we do?" I asked, feeling Cameron's hold on me loosen when Ariel eyed it curiously.

Her emerald gaze turned up to me. They were bright with excitement and tears, and I wondered how many people that she loved she had lost tonight. "Well, you see, I have this warlock friend in New York City. I'm sure he could find us a place to stay," she answered.

Cameron snorted, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly, and the action was far too intimate for my liking. "First of all, how do you propose we get there? Second, why go to New York, when we could just go to another province or something?" He questioned.

Ariel sighed, her expression indicating the hardships of the night. I felt a pang of sympathy for the girl. "Portal, or drive, and New York's farther. We can get away," she replied, sounding giddy. I couldn't blame her, the adrenaline still sung in my veins.

But, something she said spiked my curiousity. I frowned at her, pulling at Cameron's hands that were placed securely on my shoulders. "Get away?" I murmured, not understanding at first, then catching the brilliancy of her plan.

Apparently, Cameron did not, though. He let go of my shoulders at my touch. "Get away from what exactly?" He asked, sounding suspicous.

I shook my head at his thoughts, which I could tell by his tone lead nowhere good, and met Ariel's eyes sturdily. She half-smiled, and I realized she was waiting for my opinion. Since when had I become the leader?

_Since you made everyone fight. They followed so willingly, did they not? Even it was nearly a sure death, they followed you._

Ignoring my bitter thoughts, that were accompanied by hopeful faces, I nodded at her, straightening my spine instinctually. "Sounds perfect, Ariel. Will this warlock mind?" I asked, nodding again as she shook her head no. "Perfect. Go ahead and tell the others. Say that Danielle Seraphim agrees."

Grinning, Ariel took off, nimbly weaving through the scattered corpses. I made to follow her, but he yanked me back by my bicep. I glared up at him, but he didn't notice or care. "What the hell are we trying to get away from?" He asked bitterly.

I smirked, though it was not heart-felt. "From whoever the hell did _this_," I gestured to the room, which was in ruins. He nodded, and released me.

I bolted after Ariel, not as careful with the bodies as she, and did not look back once.

I would tell others that I was to intent on catching up with her.

But, truthfully, I was afraid of what I would see.

xXx

"What? New York City?"

"Holy shit!"

"Why? What's wrong with here?"

"Where's my mommy?"

I stood quietly at the front, not moving nor speaking until the room was hushed. Ariel was to my right, looking anxious though sure of what was going on.

She hadn't told the others first. She had grabbed one of the remaining adults and instructed them to tell the others. I had forgotten about them, that I wasn't the one in charge, but none of the adults seemed thrilled of being reponsible. I, however, did.

The first thing Ariel had done after speaking to me was call the warlock, a Magnus Bane. I'd heard of him before, in hushed whispers of other warlocks or of my parents. He had reluctantly agreed to help us reach NYC and find a residence.

If anything, it would be Ariel, Alexandria Mason, Cameron and I.

Finally, the room went silent, all eyes watching me carefully. I cleared my throat, straightening instantly. "We have been offered housing in New York, in attempts to get away from whatever or whoever has targeted us. Myself and a few of my comrades have accepted this offer for ourselves. Who ever wishes to come with us may, but I sincerely suggest you leave the Institute. Bunk with Downworlders or other Shadowhunters you know, just leave." I announced.

It was still quiet.

A few people began to speak, murmuring their disagreement. The children were still in a fit of panic over their parents, tugging on their elders sleeves desperately.

"I agree with them," Josh's voice rose from the dull roar. "Leaving the Institute for New York is a very good idea. Lord knows why this happened to us."

I blinked at him, not expecting him to agree. Josh was not one to suddenly go with change. He fought and struggled and hated change, much like myself. But, where as I could eventually shift myself to be out of change's reach, he stayed right in the middle, disrupting it. Like a rock protruding from a river, splitting the water in two different paths.

Even if his agreement surprised me, the silence of everyone else did not.

For a few minutes, I stood stonily, staring at the twenty-five people before me, waiting for anyone else to speak up. No one did. I nodded.

"It is what it is." I said, loud enough for them all to hear. "This is more than likely goodbye."

Still, no one spoke. Some girls were crying, and most boys did not meet anyones eyes as their own shone brightly. "Be strong and kick ass, friends," I instructed, smirking, and a few of them chuckled, but more of them stood as stonily as I did. I nodded, turning to Ariel and Alexandria, both girls fighting back tears.

I sighed, raking back my still lank and sweaty hair.

"Let's get the fuck out of here."

xXx

**Wipe the tears from your eyes,  
Oh dear God, what a beautiful goodbye.**

xXx

_Hope you enjoyed, I know I did. (:  
Now, it's lovely and all, and I really don't mean to sound like a bitch, but whilst you "story alert" or favourite my story, could you please review as well? Because your opinions mean the world to me. Even if you're just saying that this reminds you of something or that you don't like the language or something.. (:  
Didn't mean to be a bitch.  
Revieww. Till next time. (:_

_xWhiteRainx_


	4. 03: New York City

_Disclaimer: See prolouge. Language may offend. Canadian stereotypes (that I hate, because I am also Canadian, but they're common, even here...)_

_Hope you enjoy. (: _

**03: New York City**

xXx

**Silence just keeps screaming back at me,  
The ones I love I lost in memories.**

xXx

_When you leave something or someone, you can't help but feel like you're life is over, like you're dying._

_Because when you leave them or it, a piece of you stays with them. _

_A piece you never knew you needed, until now._

xXx

Magnus Bane's apartment was... Colourful, to say the least.

I blinked at the furniture, unable to look away from it. Or, at least until Magnus walked into the living room with drinks. I accepted the Coke thankfully, the heat wafting in through the half-open window.

He settled down onto the couch with a flourish, grinning at each of us. Cameron fidgetted in his seat, not wanting to make eye contact it seemed. He was raised differently than I, yet we were still close.

Cameron feared and disliked Downworlders, some of them he had a right to, of course, while others it was altogether rude. I couldn't care less, having some Downworlder friends and boyfriends.

"So, why exactly did you have to flee Canada? Rogue polar bears? Melting igloos?" Magnus asked with that wicked grin. I flinched at the harsh jest, trying to smoother my pride for my country. There were no polar bears where we lived, no igloos either.

Instead of making snide American comments like I longed to do, I shook my head, smirking at him. "Not exactly," I answered, the smirk sliding off my face as soon as it came on. "More like an attack on our Institute."

I expected him to sit up or appear concerned, but he didn't, only toying with a fraying throw. A light glinted in his, curiosity and a hint of shock that I doubted the others could see. Being able to hide my emotions as well as he, or slightly worse than him, I could pick up concealed looks and body language.

"Ariel here contacted you. I'm Dani Seraphim," I greeted, holding out a hand. Gingerly, he shook it, the curiosity now clearly displayed on his cat-like features. As soon as he dropped my hand, there was a knock on the door.

Cameron scowled beside me, tensing. "You're expecting someone?" He asked harshly. I grinned at Magnus, elbowing Cameron in the ribs swiftly and painfully. He winced, and I smirked.

It wouldn't matter if was expected people, which, it turned out, he was. We were the ones that had suddenly came, from Canada, disrupting his life momentairly. "Yes," Magnus answered, eyeing Cameron with a curious dislike.

Snorting, my friend turned away, something shining brightly in his eyes. Humilation. I smirked, and patted his knee condescendingly.

Magnus got to his feet, moving to the door with a rustle of fabric and silent padding of bare feet. He twisted the handle, pulling it inwards, moving into the doorway swiftly. I glimpsed something black and stiff, like cotton clothing, before he blocked my view.

Their voices, two male and two female, talked in hushed tones. I couldn't catch a word of it, their voices too quick for my admitably impressive hearing. I scowled, turning back to my companions with an impatient and annoyed huff.

Alexandria, or rather Alex, Mason smiled warmly at me. I tried to smile back, but I couldn't, her soft and warm features only bringing back memories of my mother. She was the oldest of us Canadians here, being twenty to the second oldest nineteen, and had the whole maternal instinct thing down-pat.

She took my hand in hers, squeezing reassuringly. "It'll work out, Danielle," she murmured, grey eyes hopefully bright. I snatched my hand back, crossing my arms. Alex frowned, as did Ariel. I was supposed to be the one that knew what was going to happen to us, I was supposed to be the cool and collected and arrogantly in control one.

I wasn't supposed to be afraid of the future.

Glancing around the small group, my eyes flickering from anxious face to anxious face. They were scared, because I was. They figured if I was afraid and worried, there had to be a reason to be fearful or worried.

So, I pushed away the fear, like I always did, and grinned cockily at them. "Of course it will. Who could deny this?" I gestured to my face, pouting and widening my eyes innocently. My friends chuckled, grinning back as I smirked, even though I felt guilty for not telling them the truth.

Even if I didn't know anyone who could deny me, because I had a way of guilting and pushing people ruthlessly into what I wanted, I was still afraid of being homeless in New York with no money to our name and weapons.

Josh sighed theatrically, resting his arm around my shoulders. My body tensed, and I shot him a warning look. He ignored my look and rubbed my bare shoulder. "Don't I know it, Dani?" He mumbled, squeezing me to his side.

Cameron and I swore at the exact moment, getting to our feet together, as well. I'm sure our deathly glares were similar as well, but all I could feel was my outrage burning through me. Josh blinked up at me lazily, and I habitually stuck out a hip, planting a hand on it.

"Who the fuck are you to think that you can do that? _I_ broke up with _you_, Josh, if you can't remember," I hissed, raising my hand to strike out, knowing I was being a bit overdramatic. A cool, soft hand grabbed my wrist, bringing it roughly to my side.

I scowled upwards, meeting Magnus Bane's catlike eyes. He raised a thin brow at me, dropping my arm, and turned to the four people that had been at the door.

The taller of the two men, who also appeared to be the oldest by the way he held himself, had soft-looking black hair that hung slightly past his ears, and icy blue eyes. His clothing was rather drab, hanging off his obviously muscular body.

As it was, he was the first to speak. "We're glad to house you after the accident." He said, sounding pleased and proud, though nothing about his stance confirmed his tone. He was slouched, hands stuffed in his pockets, not meeting my eyes.

I crossed my arms, snorting. "What accident?" I shook my head. "As I saw it, it was murder by a traitor that we loved, housed and trusted." The young man stiffened, and averted his eyes quickly. I rolled my eyes, heart pounding my chest painfully, and glanced to my friends.

Cameron was shooting me looks, his eyes flickering from me to the other man of their quartet. Curious, I looked over.

The other young man was slightly shorter than his elder, with sort of golden hair falling into his tawny eyes. He was cocky, arrogant and also a bit pissed off with my attitude.

I had an uncanny knowledge of body language.

Like, I could tell that pretty petite redhead that stood beside the blond had feelings for him, and the tall, dangerously beautiful girl and the black-haired boy were siblings. They stood slightly too close to each other, stances a little too protective to be friends.

The blond boy was eyeing me with narrowed eyes, sizing me up like you did with an opponent. I narrowed my eyes back, clenching my fists in the thin fabric of my tank top. The tension between the two of us was nearly tangible, hostility rolling off of me in waves.

"Dani," Ariel breathed, placing her hand on my arm lightly. I tilted my head in her direction, not looking away from Blondie once. "Maybe you could be more polite.. They are taking us in, after we randomly popped up here."

I snorted again and shook off her hand, breaking the silent staring contest. "If you think you could do nicer, be my guest." I hissed, turning away from the strangers. Cameron and Alex were watching my display with sad, tired eyes, and it sent a pang of sympathy through me.

I wasn't the only one going through this, I had to remember that. I wasn't only, my friends were orphans now as well. We were alone, figuratively, and had to fend for ourselves now. And here I was, making life hell for everyone.

Ariel groaned softly behind me. I didn't turn around and look, simply plopped down on the couch with Josh. He took my hand, squeezing it gently, bringing my gaze up to him. "Hey, don't feel bad," he murmured, low enough for only me to hear.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and this time I didn't object, glad of the sense of security. "It's just you being you, Danielle. You can't help it if you have attitude problems," Josh teased. I groaned and pushed his shoulder away playfully. He tightened his grip, keeping me close to his side.

"Ariel's right, though." I muttered into his cotton-clad shoulder, the smell of fire and expensive cologne muddling my mind. "I'm being... Me." By me, I meant bitchy and cold.

Josh sighed, and shook his head. "No, you're not, Dani. I know you, I've known you since you were five. I remember how you were then, before Sasha died. You were happy and you loved everyone. That's you."

I frowned, brows furrowing together. I could barely remember the time before my sister died, and the years afterward. It was all just a blur of grief and guilt. "Then she died.. And I became a bitch, right?" I growled, and tried to get away from him.

This is what always happened, and Josh knew it as well as I. I would open up, expose myself, talking about the forbidden subject (my sister's death) and then pull away abruptly. Afterwards, I wouldn't speak to them for weeks, maybe months.

Not because I wanted them to forget what I said and how I acted, even though I did, or because _I_ wanted to forget how I exposed myself.

I did that because I was afraid. So fucking afraid.

I was afraid that they would use it against me, that we'd start talking about Sasha and my father, and I'd lose the cold, uncaring, cocky and proud person I wanted myself to be. I was afraid that I become too vulnerable to survive.

More importantly, I was afraid that if I opened up and talked about my feelings, I'd lose them and myself. It was so much easier being the icy and arrogant woman than the girl who lost it all.

And I didn't want to let anything or anyone in because of that.

I was so close to losing it all.

xXx

Ariel did the talking.

I stood silently, arms crossed, behind her. Blondie kept looking to me, and I kept looking back at him, face indifferent and cruelly blank. "I apologize for my friend's behavior. She's still rather shaken up by the betrayal, as you can understand," Ariel apologized, shooting me a look.

Shrugging, I kept my face still coolly closed. The redhead girl gave me a sympathetic look, looking as if she was going to say something but then decided not to. "You're thrilled that you're letting us stay with you. For how long, may I ask, if it's not too bold?" My friend asked.

My face contorted briefly with disgust. I didn't understand how she could be so polite, especially with four total strangers. Blondie and Red looked over at me at the exact moment, both of their expressions curious and inquisitive.

Masterfully, I rearranged my features back into the blank mask, watching the going-ons with a polite disinterest. The black-haired boy, Alec, glanced over to me, and looked back at Ariel. "For as long as you need. Our parents are only too glad to have more Shadowhunters with us," he answered.

I held back my snort of disbelief, knowing that his parents were probably not glad to have more rowdy teenagers around. Mine wouldn't have been. Ariel gave me a dark look, and turned back to the others with a wide, warm smile. "Thank you. Are we going back to the Institute now?" She questioned.

At that point, I tuned out, staring blankly at them as they conversed. She seemed thrilled, positively glad about living with them. As if our home was horrible and she wanted to get as far away from the memories as she could.

Of course, it only seemed that. Truthfully, Ariel felt the same as the rest of us. Wary and heartbroken. No one wanted to leave home, no one wanted to be here in New York. Personally, I wished I was back in Canada, doing something besides moping and mourning.

Canada was home.

America wasn't, and would most likely never be.

I envied Ariel and Alex, both of them able to settle so completely in another place that in a weeks time, they wouldn't be able to remember home . As much as I envied them, though, they angered me, by that one simple fact.

For as long as I lived, I'd never be able to forget tonight. The fighting, the dead, the running from Canada like our lives depended on it when everything we lived for was destroyed so did it _really_ matter if we died or not?

I couldn't forget about tonight because it was physically and mentally impossible for me to do so.

The image of my brother's dying face and my mother running herself through afterwards would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Somebody tugged at my arm, and I blinked, looking up at Cameron's anxious face. Glancing away, I noticed the others waiting for us by the door.

"C'mon, Dani. We're going now." He murmured.

I blinked again and reached down, picking up my bags.

"This is our home now, Danielle," he went on as we walked towards the door, voice only loud enough for me to hear.

Angrily, I shook my head. "No. This will never be my home, Cameron," I spat back, and tore my arm out of his grasp, quickening my pace.

I didn't look back. I didn't want to see my own feelings on another's face. I didn't want to know that this was my life now.

Because I just couldn't accept that.

xXx

**I may have lost my way now  
Haven't forgotten my way home.**

xXx

_Hope you enjoyed, 'cause I did. (:  
Thanks for the reviews!  
Until next time. Review! (:_

_xWhiteRainx_


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